Bewitched, Bothered, and Honestly Bewildered

I can remember when I first started voice lessons years and years ago with Rodney Chapman in Park City. At that time, I was convinced I could do anything, and had the ego of someone who had yet to experience rejection. My dear friend and once elementary and middle school choir teacher, Mary, had essentially dragged  me out on a stage to sing the national anthem for the whole school three years earlier (when I was in fifth grade), and ever since then I was on a stage as much as possible. I tried my hand at community and school choirs, theater, and even some solo performances...I was in love.

Looking back on it, I do miss those days. I was so certain about everything and didn't have to think about how to put food on the table--thanks, mom n' dad--all I had to do was go to school and sing. Now, to quote one of the first pieces I ever sang, "bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I!"

I am bewitched by music--it is my belief that music is the conduit to the soul, and I am mystified at the qualities of music and how they interact with humans on a psychological, physiological, and spiritual level. Some string theorists believe that, at the quantum level, matter is simply vibration-WE are vibration. We are sound. It is no wonder, then, that music can heal a heart, delay the onset of Alzheimers, and aid in the recovery of cancer patients. Personally, music is my release from stress, my "high," and the warrior that banishes away any dark thoughts that threaten to take over my mind. It is a drug, and I am addicted.

I am bothered--bothered that I am not where I want to be vocally. I see this as a wonderful thing. My discomfort with my constantly changing sound drives me to continue working hard to improve it, and is my motivation to continue challenging myself, rather than just doing what comes easy. It is why I have decided to pursue opera--Jazz and pop are too easy, and have ceased to give me the high that I need. However, I am bothered by some of the things I am finding throughout my training. For instance, Jazz and Pop singers know how to control their voices--they are the masters of their sound, and calculate their melodies and ornamentation to match the key and feel of whatever song they sing. Opera is an art based more on trust--and is completely the opposite of popular music today. In pop, you work more for a louder sound....in opera, you let go of your sound and hardly work at all. In pop, you can hear each pitch and control your sound; in opera, your sound is in control, and you cannot hear yourself--you must trust your sensations and hope that your mind, your soul, knows what it's doing. I am a control freak, and it bothers me to not micromanage my sound.  I am learning to trust.

I am bewildered--I have already spoken of being mystified in the presence of music. Quite honestly, I am bewildered, stupefied, by the power of the human voice and struggle to accurately describe the feelings that it stirs within me. Perhaps the best way to share how I feel is to share the cause. Watch this video and listen to Eric Whitacre's masterpiece, Sleep, sung by over 2000 singers. Turn up the speakers until you are fully immersed in the sound and just feel the vibrations pluck at your atoms. It is an amazing thing.

Comments

  1. Good stuff. Have to say you lost me for a bit with the quantum mechanics string theory stuff, but that usually happens to me anyway. :b (if you get a chance you should check out my blog too!)

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